119. The Pallid Hue

Chapter. 119. The Pallid Hue
Kural - 1181
I willed my lover absent should remain;
Of pining's sickly hue to whom shall I complain?
Meaning : I who (then) consented to the absence of my loving lord, to whom can I (now) relate the fact of my having turned sallow.
Kural - 1182
'He gave': this sickly hue thus proudly speaks,
Then climbs, and all my frame its chariot makes.
Meaning : Sallowness, as if proud of having been caused by him, would now ride on my person.
Kural - 1183
Of comeliness and shame he me bereft,
While pain and sickly hue, in recompense, he left.
Meaning : He has taken (away) my beauty and modesty, and given me instead disease and sallowness.
Kural - 1184
I meditate his words, his worth is theme of all I say,
This sickly hue is false that would my trust betray.
Meaning : I think (of him); and what I speak about is but his excellence; still is there sallowness; and this is deceitful.
Kural - 1185
My lover there went forth to roam;
This pallor of my frame usurps his place at home.
Meaning : Just as my lover departed then, did not sallowness spread here on my person ?
Kural - 1186
As darkness waits till lamp expires, to fill the place,
This pallor waits till I enjoy no more my lord's embrace.
Meaning : Just as darkness waits for the failing light; so does sallowness wait for the laxity of my husband's intercourse.
Kural - 1187
I lay in his embrace, I turned unwittingly;
Forthwith this hue, as you might grasp it, came on me.
Meaning : I who was in close embrace just turned aside and the moment I did so, sallowness came on me like something to be seized on.
Kural - 1188
On me, because I pine, they cast a slur;
But no one says, 'He first deserted her.'
Meaning : Besides those who say "she has turned sallow" there are none who say "he has forsaken her".
Kural - 1189
Well! let my frame, as now, be sicklied o'er with pain,
If he who won my heart's consent, in good estate remain!
Meaning : If he is clear of guilt who has conciliated me (to his departure) let my body suffer its due and turn sallow.
Kural - 1190
'Tis well, though men deride me for my sickly hue of pain;
If they from calling him unkind, who won my love, refrain.
Meaning : It would be good to be said of me that I have turned sallow, if friends do not reproach with unkindness him who pleased me (then).